Today, I am fortunate enough to walk in ceremony for obtaining my master’s degree. Why am I walking? Besides the fact that the whole thing is boring and most people are uncomfortable in their dress clothes, it’s a right of passage. It’s a right of passage that I get to choose whether I go or not. Do I care about my name being called over the intercom, no. I do want a copy of the program where my name is listed.
While I should be ecstatic that this day is here, I am also a bit apprehensive. For one thing, I’m really not done for 5 more weeks; it’s simply how my program is set up. No big deal but it’s hard to be excited about walking when I still have papers to write and exams to complete.
The apprehension comes from not knowing what the next step is. Admission into the program I wanted was denied. Now, the search continues for a program that I find inspiring and can afford. There are prospects, I simply am not in a place to make that decision right now.
One of my favorite lines to describe myself was ‘a jack of all trades, a master of none’. Recently, I’ve come to realize how wrong that statement is. I may not be a master in the sense society deems necessary but I am a master of change. I am also a master of face checking it and trying to prevent it (at my own peril).
That ends now. Maybe if I stopped trying to force my way I wouldn’t be so tired. I am not saying sit around an do nothing, I will continue to research and submit applications. By all means , you still have to do something to pursue your dreams, I’m simply saying not to put so much emotion into and go with what is provided. If I’m meant to obtain my doctorate, then the appropriate program will appear while I’m researching and I’ll be accepted when I apply, that’s all. No more planning a straight line, that has only caused problems in my life.
It’s time to get on with my life how it is meant to be, not how I think it should be.
Have an awesome Saturday!