I’ve stated many times that I regularly feel as though my path is continually altering or at a crossroads; personal evolution so to speak. I’ve continually racked my brain to figure things out and to understand not just my role in this life but to understand my place, not in society by their standards but in the grand scheme of things.
I was raised that women were barefoot and pregnant. A woman’s role was to support her husband and take care of the home and children. As I continued to grow up, those views changed in society. Women were now expected to also work full time on top of the previous role. I wholeheartedly believed in death do us part when I married.
At that time, I believed there was something more but I could never put my finger on it; it wasn’t for me anyway, I was nobody. The constant fighting as I felt as though I was drowning everyday, the exhaustion of giving and giving to my partner and family. The constant feeling as though I was never enough, the ridicule I received for being a disappointment.
The ugly beast known as anger rose to an ultimate high and turned me into something I no longer recognized; something my adult son was ashamed of. Through the process of seeking help, I began to understand the world around me. Once I released and forgave those around me I began to open my eyes and see that my reaction was simply a product of close-mindedness and a stuff society.
None of this was an overnight revelation; in fact, the epiphanies occurred over many years; little by little and piece by piece. I became envious of those who knew at a young age what their passions were, what their callings were and still had their lifetime to pursue them; here I am middle aged, divorced, single mother, and I still didn’t have a clue.
The day I began to feel gratitude to have made it to middle age, to have a wonderful son and to see him fall in love and move on with his life; these are privileges denied to many.
The self help section in the bookstore was no longer an embarrassment; everyone should strive for self improvement. I became a fan of Anthony Robbins, if you have never heard his talks I highly encourage you to do so. Recently, I actually listened to Dr. Wayne Dyer’s video he had put together for the Hay House World Summit entitled “The Shift”. It provided an enlightening experience that made me sort through and recognize those stages in my own life.
The thoughts and feelings I’ve had over the last several years are not solely mine but in fact an ever evolving state of mind. Mine was clouded by many things: a hard life, emotional blockages, etc…, perhaps that is why it took me so longer to reach this point. Now I feel as thought I have wasted so much of my life waiting and wanting. Now I know, I will never get to the end because the end is death from this world; it’s the journey we are to experience. We are suppose to change, we are suppose to continually experience new things, we are suppose to help one another, we are suppose to show compassion, we are suppose to love, we are suppose to show respect not only for each other but for everything around us.
I sincerely hope that others reach the same point have I have and I am grateful for those that have reached it before me to help guide me. I may not know exactly what my ‘calling’ is but I now know what it is not.
Have a wonderful Sunday and Happy Mother’s Day!