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With the holidays fast approaching, 69 days until Christmas, I find myself brainstorming as to whether or not I am going to send out cookie packages this year. The I came to realize why should I bother even wasting time on the notion when the people I made them for are no longer in my life.

This season seems to be different then in the past to the point of it being unsettling. My house is calm when normally by this time of the year it is going crazy with holiday thoughts. Maybe this is what I need to get over the drama filled years of past that I have had.

I came to find out the hard way what many years of stress can do to you. It literally kills you and it does it very slowly. In the last couple of years, I have had to make some major changes. Those changes were to release all of the negativity in my life. Not just things from the past but also those that were still around me.

I find myself thinking about those very people and how much I miss the thought of what should have between us. I know without a doubt that those toxic people cannot be around me no matter how much I wish they were. The emotional roller coaster is too much and after all, I am only human.

Maybe for Christmas, Santa will help me with new friends. Perhaps after my baking spree I will find someplace to give them too. Work is a good place to start. Maybe there are people who would be grateful for even one homemade cookie.

After discussing the issue with the members of my house, the collective has decided on a limited amount of cookies this year, just some family favorites. We are going to have a calm holiday, celebrating what is truly important, being together. Although I would love to have my Mom visit over Christmas, I know she won’t be able to join us. I look forward to the day that she can.